So excited for Thanksgiving coming up. Not that this semester has not been great, but as it is winding down, I am really excited to visit with friends and family. It will be nice to have a couple of home cooked meals as well as some fun dinners out. Definitely looking forward to a good sandwich from J's Deli and one from Kay's as well. It will be nice to rehear the old stories and what new trouble that people have gotten into. It will be nice to tell them mine. There is something special about homecomings in that way. These are the people who knew you before and share secrets that no one else likely ever will. People who have seen you truly develop and change infront of them some in your mind for better or worse. It is hard how to value how people change but those from your home can clearly see it more than any other and it makes a relationship with them really special. It's interesting how in some ways we change back into an older version of ourself to interact with your friends from home. There is something magical about those old relationships but there is something tiring about it as well.
You want to show people how you've changed or that you have, but in truth you are forced to see them as not completely changed but just a modified version of what we used to be. Someone who is not that far removed from where they had came from. Its hard to say if we have moved forward or around those friends if we will always be who we were the last time we saw them. My growth away from home has not been with them and our relationships haven't grown over time but most have decayed and suffered from neglect. Distance plays a large part in this and it is tough to grow or relate what we now fear or dream of to those that are thousands of miles away. It is tough to jump into telling them that we used to think or fear is no longer a focus but instead we are curious about quite a bit more. I love and hate it sometime, how hard it is to explain how hard you've changed or with them have not changed because of lack of growth together.
I often worry about how they grow. Is it in a direction they want? Are they settling? Is it worth for me to be here doing what I am doing? I don't know there are no real answers. I feel often that they are growing away from me and that makes me sad. I wish I could grow more with some of them to pull them and have them push me forward but we cannot hope for that anymore. There are others who have taken their place here for me in some wayse and other times it is no one but myself who pushes for more. I hope everyone is doing what will make them most happy. I hope that I am too.
Overall it will be good, it is fun to see these people and not too overwhelming or disappointing when it is not necessarily as magical as you hoped it would be. I hope I can be happy with the choices they've made and the choices I've made and we can work harder to influence and grow together like we once did. Either way the food will be good and so will the drinks and the memories will flow and taste as sweet if not sweeter when they first came to fruition. All memory seems to sweeten in that way take on a more pleasing taste the bad ones are let go and we come to embrace the good times, the fun ones and we can laugh at the bad times and smile about the good. Hopefully we can build more with each other as we grow older as well.