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There is a lot of stuff going on, for everyone all the time. Tonight was one of those glorious nights of worrying about the past, the future, everything in between. It sometimes feel like nothing is going fast enough forward and the amount of time to get it done is too quickly going away which is true. We will all die, there is no over looking it unfortunately no spell to save us, no eternal life but it isn't that bad. All that stupid worriment makes me forget all the good stuff going on right at this moment that I should be doing / enjoying / basking in. It is easy to worry it just happens most of the time, especially with the threat of life constantly looming. I am sad that I often don't take a few seconds every day and refocus my vision to what I can control, can do and can make happen to get me where I want to be or at least one step forward in where I am going.

Sometimes I hate looking back at what I was like. I don't always know if I have gotten any better though it feels like I have. At other points the vivacity and overly emotional outlook I had on everything a head of me really makes me smile. Tonight reading this really made me smile in the same way it often makes me cry. I have come to terms with it, sad for what I have lost but happy for where the journey has taken me. It is nice to have this available to bring back some of that happiness and yearning for adventures.

Like many foolish young men, who buried his head in a book, desires for my life to be as exciting and magical as the stories that jump off the page into your mind. While real life can not always compare favorably to fantasy or science fiction it has its own luster and glow that can not be overlooked or under cherished. That beautiful luster now lights up the room and the world for a few magical moments as I type through this entry. All and all I am happy that I chose to keep this old thing active even with all the sad memories it awakes and stupid, self centered actions of my past; this continues to remind me that I am a different person living an epic story of my own, which I would do well to write more on when I have the time available to do so.


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